Although every year a turkey or sometimes even two, forgiven by the president, another nearly 50 million is spent every Thanksgiving over this blessed country. While the number of vegetarians has increased in the United States in recent years, even a third of these allow scarfing down hunks of animal meat after a few drinks. And thanks to Thanksgiving is one of the most full of American holidays, come on Turkish day, the spirits will be bought, for some ethical positions are thrown to the roads, because huge tones of smoldering turkey are consumed by the literal boat loads.  But why do you usually cook turkey using tried and true culinary methods when you risk risking life, limb and homestead to torch your party to perfection with a jet engine? What can be more American than putting on the finals on your Flammin's "Hot Cheetos" turkey recipe with a blowtorch? Absolutely nothing. Completely rhetorical.
In the supersized country of the free is bigger and always bathing better. In addition, if the early American colonists taught us something, it was really a lesson or two about overkill. So sit back, relax, swap bib and ranch and enjoy the most completely unnecessary ways to systematically turn a turkey into charcoal this Thanksgiving.
Just fry it with your Lambo
Finally, a cooking method is suitable for a big Tymer. If you have a candy-colored Lamborghini, take a moment to whistle it. Although this implies striking and inefficient use of exhaust gas cleaning to prepare your Thanksgiving party. Because you already seem to only burn money, you can as much make a Butterball in the quarter-month quarter-dollar dollar.
Can your mercury Topas do it? Nah.
Got To Death With This Case
If there is one thing we love more than a glass of cod liver cancer meat, it's monstertruck things – making it a regular two-way. What is the hostage you ask? Oh, it's the Flash Fire Jet Truck with a "four-breathing 12000 horsepower jet engine" dressed on the back for full effect. Just hang your favorite little ball somewhere, anywhere behind this animal and dinner is served all but served.
Let's face it, this turkey was born for the sole purpose of being brutally defeated with a shopkeeper, slowly roasted in carbon dioxide emissions and
Maybe a lot of flashlights?
The true light bulb FlashTorch torch is powerful enough to ignite combustible materials and even fry an egg. We had the opportunity to test one of these bad boys in the office and believe it or not, it's as scary personally. Apparently, some people have tried to cook a turkey with a jury-rigged device of the scary torches. Using this method, will the meat putrefy before it's ever thoroughly cooked? Yes. Do you risk a high probability of food borne diseases using this approach? Also yes, the choice is yours.
Texas Turkey: Cook it in a Trash
Seeing that Lone Star State has led the nation on Thanksgiving Day fat and cooking-related insurance claims for seven years, it's really no surprise this proud Texan took the cooking outwards to be sure . While there is higher quality and a little more informative step-by-step trashcan turkey tutorials online, no one holds a candle for the pure cinematic gold seen above. As noted by our great host, remember to have your welding gloves practical because the bin is "mucho caliente." It is Spanish for "very hot".
Hell, maybe just flee it in the sun  A few years ago, some industrial individuals came to NASA with some smart ways to cook a turkey with some of the most sophisticated gadgets spacecraft lay around. This varied from the use of the mill's satellite dish and some Kapton to even use a turkey on a solar plug.
Maybe when the agency launches Parker Solar Probe next summer, the agency will consider bringing a turkey in a trailer. Given the extra weight, only cost 150,000 dollars to enter the cosmos, this seems sufficiently reasonable. The probe will circulate just 4 million miles from the sun and experience temperatures up to 2500 degrees Fahrenheit – more than enough to get the 13 herbs and spices up to temp.
In addition, what could be a more suitable homage for our kind than a jettisoned, twice baked, antibiotic resistant, remodeled turkey that drives through interstellar space to burn in an alien atmosphere like a shooting star? Absolutely nothing.
Thank you, of course.